Another day of despair and misery

April 22nd 2012,

Dad was injected with life saving drugs as the last resort to failing vitals last night, they did raise the vitals but not to the normal situation. He is still unconscious and non responsive. The breathing is shallow and the aspiration pneumonia is too much. They have been extracting the stuff from his airway since 5 days now and its not easing up with all the antibiotics and meds.

The agony to see him suffer like this is to much to handle for the family. I have a lot of pictures and videos but how dare I post them, its not the way we would like to remember him. I have spent countless hours reading, researching the internet just to understand this monster in an effort that I may find some kind of way to ease his misery but as the title states "IT IS A MONSTER" specially here in Pakistan where there is very little of the PD support in form of groups and associations.

We haven't given up as yet but we are not in denial and the inevitable cannot be detoured. My younger brother refuses to go home even to get some shut eye and has camped in his car outside the hospital since 18th april 2012, he has a baby on the way anytime now and after even repeated requests and orders as an elder brother refuses to go. As no one is allowed inside intensive care as attendants, I shift back an forth between home and hospital as our mother is showing sings of missing her life partner and she being ill herself with complications is another worry in the back of our minds. My 10 year old daughter is another one with panic attacks which she went through this jan due to an MRI machine sounds, MRI which was required to rule out any cause of fainting in school which we later found out was just weakness.

A lot is going on with in our lives and believe me when I say this, its not only dad who is the effected one but the whole family is being eaten up by this faceless monster. Sometimes it just feels that I may have not done enough, said enough times that I love you dad, spent enough time with him, share enough things with him but on the other hand being a logical mind not that I don't have emotions, ask myself in despair what I could have done and what I can do more for him. The frustration is immense as we are a very tightly knit family with the great family values, norms and customs that we have been taught by our parents.

I still cannot forget the expression of fear, pain and helplessness he had when the stroke hit and the seizures started one after another. We pray to all mighty allah to release him from his suffering and misery may it be restoring his health or by .....

#Parkinsons
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